i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
