WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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