Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
