i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
