remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize