i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
