They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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