Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
