Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
