I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
