I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
