I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
