Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
