paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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