dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
