Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
