Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
