apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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