I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
