i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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