What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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I just want nice things and good sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize