My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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