Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
