Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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