Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
