so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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