Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
