I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
