Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
