I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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