The best revenge is premature balding
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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