I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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