i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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