Please, let me fuck your mom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
