I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
