omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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