Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
