He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
