I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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