sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
