How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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