I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize