I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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