he puts the penis in happiness.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
