I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
