Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
