and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
