I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
