I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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