his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
