If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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