we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
