I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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