im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
