Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
