I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
