I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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