I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
