pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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