My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
