No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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