When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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