Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
