Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
