Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
