The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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