I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
