Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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