Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
