I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
