I think I died a long time ago.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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