I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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