Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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