he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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