I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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