I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
