Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
